Study Finds 100% of Opinions Now Require Context
Researchers warn that ungovernance of personal takes has reached crisis levels.
A landmark longitudinal study released this week has confirmed that 100% of opinions, both expressed and unexpressed, require a minimum of two paragraphs of context before they can be safely understood.
The study, conducted across no fewer than three group chats, found that even neutral statements such as 'I liked the soup' carried unacceptable interpretive risk when shared without disclaimers regarding cultural origin, sourcing ethics, and the speaker's positionality vis-à-vis soup.
Lead researchers recommend a mandatory 90-second pause before any sentence is uttered, during which speakers should consider who might overhear them, who might one day overhear them, and how their words might land in jurisdictions yet to be founded.
Critics of the study were unavailable for comment, having issued context first.
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