Honesty Reclassified As 'Tier-Two Microaggression,' Pending Tier-One Review
Citizens are encouraged to soften, vagueify, or simply not answer.
Honesty, particularly the unsolicited kind, has been formally categorized as a Tier-Two microaggression, with elevation to Tier-One pending further review.
Citizens are advised to soften factual statements by appending 'in some interpretations,' 'arguably,' or 'I sense rather than know.'
Total avoidance of declarative speech is also acceptable. Officials note that nodding gently while looking at a houseplant has become the recommended replacement for most assertions.
More like this
Local Man Apologizes For Apology, Citing Insufficient Remorse
A four-page statement is reportedly being drafted to address the inadequacy of the original three pages.
Study Suggests Eye Contact May, In Fact, Be A Form Of Violence
Researchers urge the public to consider 'looking near, but not at, one another.'
Compliment Flagged As Pressure, May Constitute Coercion
All positive feedback is now under mandatory review before delivery.