Impact ReviewMay 4, 2026 · 3 min
Tech Firm Replaces AI With Single Human Sighing In A Room
Customers describe the new feature as 'remarkably present.'
By Tech Affairs
A leading consumer technology company has phased out its AI assistant and replaced it with a single human in a quiet room, who responds to all queries by sighing meaningfully and occasionally saying, 'I hear you.'
Engagement is up 400%, the firm reported, citing 'the irreplaceable warmth of a slow human exhale.'
Plans to scale the feature are on hold, however, as adding a second human introduces 'unacceptable inconsistency in vibes.'
This article is satire. All quoted people, panels, studies, and spokespersons are fictional. Resemblance to real events or individuals is incidental and parodic.
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