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Impact ReviewMay 17, 2026 · 3 min

Coffee Shop Adds Trigger Warning To Menu After Customer Felt 'Pressured To Choose'

The warning, mounted in 48-point font, has itself prompted a second warning.

By Field Correspondent, Public Sensitivity Desk

A neighborhood café has added a 1,200-word advisory to the top of its menu following an incident in which a customer reported feeling 'visually cornered' by the presence of multiple drink options.

The advisory now informs guests that the menu contains choices, that those choices may produce a feeling resembling agency, and that the café accepts no responsibility for the emotional aftermath of selecting a beverage.

Staff have been retrained to never recommend an item, never confirm a choice, and never indicate that any drink is, in fact, available.

'We want everyone to feel safe walking in and walking out with absolutely nothing,' the owner said, while quietly removing the espresso machine to reduce stimulus density.

This article is satire. All quoted people, panels, studies, and spokespersons are fictional. Resemblance to real events or individuals is incidental and parodic.

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