Mirror Discovered To Be 'Unsafe Space' For 78% Of Citizens

A pilot wellness program has begun covering mirrors with breathable fabric across municipal buildings, following surveys indicating that the reflective surface 'returns information without consent.'

The fabric, sourced ethically from a single overpriced supplier, is intended to reduce the burden of self-recognition during commute hours.

Officials note that windows, polished elevator doors, and 'that one shiny tile in the lobby' are also under review for similar treatment.